What About Me?

Life is “messy”, “complicated”, and often “uncomfortable”. Ever ask the question “Where are you God?”, or “What about me, Lord?”. “Have you forgotten me?”. “How can You love me if You allow THIS?”

I am struck by the stories of Mary and Joseph, and also the stories of Martha, Mary, and Lazarus. Nothing was “easy”! It was not “Peaceful” or “Uncomplicated”. Each was asked to “trust” God in the face of what seemed to be unfathomable pain and hardship. Each was to face these as a result of God’s will.

At times we will feel alone, and on our own as we navigate our lives. But, if we look to those who have come before us, we can draw strength and wisdom from those who have faced similar challenges.

Mary is an unmarried pregnant teenager facing an unforgiving culture, a fiancé that had to feel betrayed, and a life that was not part of her plan. As she shares the truth, she is looked at as either “crazy” or “a liar” or BOTH. She is unable to hide her “situation” from the eyes of her family, friends, and home town. She faces shame, ridicule, and distrust. How can she not feel alone and isolated?

Joseph is presented a fiancé that is carrying a child that is not his. He has to face his friends and family. He wants to be honorable, but it has to be confusing. He has to fight with his own pride. Even when he hears from God, who is going to believe him? Is he going crazy?

Martha, Mary, and Lazarus are loved and valued friends of Jesus. Ones that are treasured in His life. Yet, when Lazarus is sick, Jesus does not come to heal him. He delays…… He allows Lazarus to die….. How does this hit the hearts of Martha and Mary? How can they not feel betrayed and forgotten? They have seen Jesus heal many who don’t even end up being honest followers of Him. Who do not love Him. How can this not break Martha’s heart and leave her feeling disillusioned or betrayed? Picture her confronting Jesus with her arms folded and speaking with a “tone”! “If you were here, my brother would not have died!” Picture Mary, with her heart bleeding, tears flowing, “If you were here, my brother would not be dead!”

Each of these cherished and loved ones of God fought with a sense of being alone, forgotten and betrayed by God, and may have been asking “What about me God?”, “I have tried to be faithful, but yet, You seem to have abandoned me and left me to fend for myself. Do you not love me? Did I do something wrong? Where is your love and protection for ME? My Family… My Children????” I see you love others, but What about me? I am lost, alone, angry, confused, and in anguish!!!”

I am struck by the fact that we all face these times at some point, where the Lord challenges us to “Get out of the boat, and trust Him!”. This is terrifying!!! I have learned that these are times that I am faced with learning something new and growing closer to the Lord. I am challenged to respond in a way that opens the door for Him to guide me as opposed to being so angry and rejecting or fighting Him.

He uses these times to mold us (to mold me), and grow us (to grow me) into the men and women He designed us to be. These are critical “opportunities” for us to become more and more like Christ and change in ways that are often “hard to quantify”, describe, or explain. This doesn’t make it any easier or painless… On the contrary, sometimes it makes it harder, but it is what empowers and matures us (me).

I have gained the conviction over the years, that these are times when I have to open my heart and be transparent with the Lord. Share with Him exactly how I feel and what is going through my mind, heart, and soul. If I become closed off, stop talking to Him, and stop asking “what is it that I need to learn through this”, then I fail and step backwards in my growth and maturation. I have to keep asking, “what can I learn from this to become a better man?” I have to keep asking “what are you trying to teach me Lord? What do I need to realize, recognize, or open my eyes to?” “How do I honor You through this?”

I have been reading two good books….. “The Jesus I never knew” by Phillip Yancey, and “When God breaks your heart”, by Ed Underwood. I recommend them both…..